Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Roll to the ER and a Derby!

I ordered roller skates, I filled out a registration form, I payed my fee...I'm all ready to start roller derby! Except for the part where I can't go to the first practice. But after that! Roller derby, I tell you!

What's the hardest part of roller derby? Is it getting elbowed in the teeth? Is it wearing fishnet tights? Is it roller skating? Is it people asking you if you're doing it because you saw Whip It? No. The hardest part of roller derby is picking a roller derby name. You can't have the same name as anyone else, anywhere. While most of the great names I've come up with were already taken, I've come up with plenty that are fantastic and not in use. The problem now is picking just one. And so I ask for your help. Here are my top contedors. Vote for your favorite!

1. Baroness Hell-ga von Ruffhausin'
2. Crashiopea
3. Elbow Baggins
4. Bellatrix LeStrangle
5. Smackie Kennedy Onasses

Thoughts? Preferences? Votes? Let me know what you think! I may not listen to you, but I still want to know your opinions.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


Halloween is exactly 68 days until Halloween. 68 is a lot, but it's less than 100, which is less than 300, which is less than 365. Point is, Halloween is close when you look at it the right way. And if the stores can start carrying Halloween decorations, I can start talking about it too.

It doens't look like I'm the only one who'd getting geared up for Halloween either. I saw these little cuties online (and Jessica actually bought me the candy corn one, which I use about, oh, 15 times a day) and went into the store to buy some of each scent.
But, oh, they were already sold out! Peeved as I was that I couldn't get my paws on these right at the moment I wanted them, I secretly delighted in the thought that it was the 21st of August, and the Halloween stuffs were already selling out. Lucky for me, they're getting more in stock one day.
***Turns out, they're already even sold out online. I tried going to the website to get a picture of all the flavors, and this is the only one they have even listed on their site anymore:
But there were also, at one point, Candy Corn, Zombie Squad, Vampire Blood, and Bat Bite. I promise, they were there. I promise! I own the Candy Corn one! I can only pray that the other scents will be in stock soon. I pray.

Sigh - moving on, hard as that may be...I officially kicked off the Halloween season last night with The House on Haunted Hill. I always forget how good that movie is. My mind automatically registers it in the "cheesy horror movie," genre, but that is unfair to the awesomeness that is Vincent Price and The House on Haunted Hill. I somehow always forget that the cheesy, grimacing directly at the camera ghost is not, in fact a ghost at all. Also, self-generating blood drips and a giant vat of acid? Awesomeness.

And now, I end with revealing to you (because unlike some people, I cannot keep this a secret) my costume choices for this year:

Costume #1: Buffy the Vampire Slayer circa Season 1 (aka 1997)
Yes, you may have visions of platform flip flops, lined lips and fishing line necklaces, but I'm going with something a little more iconic:

The dress looks rather yellow in this picture, but in real life (being imaginary tv life), it's white. I'm not sure I can get a crossbow into the workplace, but I'll try.

Costume #2: Sexy Freddy Krueger
Yes, I know, there is absolutely nothing sexy about Freddy Krueger. Or so you thought! Behold:

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment #9 - Ping Pong, Popcorn, and Pouting

I know I promised this a long time ago, and I'm sorry it took me so long to actually get around to writing it (or anything on this blog, for that matter), but here it is - the dating story of someone who my previous weekly coordination with should probably remain unnamed (but if you're following along with previous posts, you'll totally know who I'm talking about). So it begins with a Halloween party, where I'm sure I dressed as something either terrifying or skanky, but I was probably a bat. Who knows?  Either way, it was the same Halloween party where a saw a former subject of my dating tales in a purple turban.  I was busy admiring some really spot-on Dancing with the Stars costumes, when in swooped new guy with promises of toilet papering.

Oh, and if only we had gone toilet papering.  Instead, a rush of a dating spree was characterized mostly by watching sports on TV.

But that's not where the good stuff is where the good stuff is:

I slightly hate to bag on this, because hey, saving money, creating less waste...but despite all those reasons, it's still kind of hard for me to swallow the fact that he and his family saved movie theater popcorn buckets and sifted through them to find the right one from each theater before heading to the movie and a "free refill."  And don't worry, there was no shame in doing that on a date, which he did on every single movie date we had.  Had his intentions been to decrease waste, I would likely have applauded him for his efforts. The intentions, however were to get something he could have easily afforded for free.

So to think the popcorn thing is cheap is one thing, but when you set up a double-date for you and your friend, and the guys comprise the entire date of free pizza and $1 icecream cones from Dairy Queen, you know cheap is the brightest crayon in the box. And now, don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with a free date, but when you spare no creativity to come up with something fun and free, cheap takes the cake.

And then the ping pong...oh the ping pong.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at playing ping pong nearly every night after such and such sports game ended.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at being reprimanded for, apparently, being the sole cause of losing a doubles game to his parents, all the while hearing over and over "keep your paddle up!"  I did, however, draw the line at "we'll keep the ball going back and forth for as long as we can, and when you miss, you have to stand against the wall and I get to hit the ball at you as hard as I can."  I later learned that this is called "Sting Pong," and is generally played by shirtless high school boys. It's no surprise that after I said, "no way," and that I got hit really hard in the face by the ping pong ball 10 minutes later anyway.

Skip to like 3 years later - long after I'd give him the heave-ho (though if you ask him, of course it was the other way around, and during the break-up, he said, "don't worry, if people ask me about you, I'll just say 'Andrea's a really nice girl,' and I won't go into any of the other stuff." Uh...) he became my weekly coordinating partner in a Monday night singles' ward organization.

To say things went well would be a folly. His mood swings between charming and insulting were like a pendulum on crack. His insults, that I think were an attempt at being flirtatious (based solely on tone of voice and winking in my direction), consisted of, "hey guys, better get some treats before Andrea eats them all," and "don't get Andrea started, she'll talk your ear off."

This is turning into a long story, but seriously, I'm paraphrasing everything.

A couple months into our weekly coordinating, he broke up with his then (and I think again) girlfriend.  His text conversation with me went something like this:

He: "Hi Andrea, what are you doing?"
I: "Just kickin' it at home. You?"
He: "Just watching some sports game...My life sucks right now."
I: "Uh, why's that?"
He: "I broke up with my girlfriend."
I: "Sorry to hear that. Did she dump you or you her?"
He: "It was mutual...I decided things weren't working, so I told her we needed to break up."
I: "Well if you need anything, I do make good cookies on occassion."
He: "I'm trying to lose weight. But I could use a friend more than anything else."
I: "Okay."
He: "But you have to understand that that's all it's going to be."
I: "Uh..."
He: "I just don't want you to think it's anything else other than friends, no matter what happens."
He: "So, do you want to come over?"

Three days later...

He: "Wanna come over tonight?"

Needless to say, my answer was "no," to all of the above questions. I think that was part of the issue, but a couple months later, he threw a temper tantrum when I told him he either needed to do his calling or ask to be released. And then he left the ward.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


So, that's what I did for the 4th of July -- ate and ate and ate and ate.  It was all delicious and patriotically festive though.

Also, I helped out with the Granite Community Carnival. Every year, the community throws a breakfast, parade, and carnival, and dudes, it's the best thing ever. EVER (well, after Halloween - but it is the best thing ever for the 4th of July) EVER!!!  Especially the parade. It's all full of kids on bikes, dressed up goats, old cars, old tractors, veterans, chickens, dressed up dogs, scooters, fire engines, DeLoreans, did I mention dressed up goats?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaand I went rock climbing for the first time ever, and really know what it means to be sore for the first time ever.

Also, barbeques, Return of the Jedi, fireworks, sleeping outside, hiking (which also involved me having to carry a plastic bag of dog (or, based on the smell, what I actually suspect was bipedal humanoid) poo all the way home because someone thought the middle of the trail was an adequate depository for their/their dog's excrement.

But it wasn't all crap. Most of it was not, but was, in fact, full of all the patriotic magic that Independence Day can muster.

I certainly didn't have as cool of a 4th of July as Ted though, but I'll settle for my home-grown, all-American goodness that was.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

You See These Gloves?

You can have them if you want. 


You can have them.


That's how.

Do it.

You know you want to.

Think how bright and yummy they'll look on a summer camping trip - keeping your hands toasty as marshmallows, and your fingers as free as the wild eagle...

And how easily they'll transition into your fall wardrobe with all that pretty goldeness.

And how you'll still be wearing them everywhere you go once winter rolls around - you could even layer other gloves underneath to keep you warm and oh-so-dilectibly-deliciously-chic they may as well just book you for a Vogue cover shoot right now.

So go ahead. Go get yourself a pair of sexy, free gloves!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Unicorns are Back, Baby!

And they are back full-force! 

First mention goes to my dear friends, Brian and Becca, who found this little beaut for me:

Need to see it in action?  Here it is taking out a mime (those pesky, pesky mimes):

And on to the next victim:

And for those of you that need more violent unicorn action in your life, I suggest following this link to the most amazing online game you will ever experience (many thanks to Joel and Adam for individually showing this to me)!  Of special note (other than the robot unicorn, of course) are the dolphins and the brilliant music.  Wanna just listen to it (like I have been over and over for the last hour)?  Here you go:

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Here it is!

Like two weeks after I finished making it, I am finally posting pictures of my very own book page wreath, and I must say that it turned out pretty awesome.

I bought a basic floral wreath for from Michael's, a book from the DI, and used a staple gun and hot glue to stack and stick the rolls all together.  All-in-all, it only took me about 3 hours, which was way less than I expected.  Pretty sweet, eh?

I think now I'm going to make a smaller version for myself with magazine pages for a bit of crazy color.  Let's hope that one turns out as great as this one!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Getting Back into the Crafty Side of Things

My next project is going to be this:

It may not look like that in the end.  I probably won't do it as well, or maybe I'll come up with some way of doing it completely different that I like more.  But either way, my mom wants a book page wreath, and so I will make one for her.  We even bought the wreath base last night.

Before you fret, I assure you that no classic piece of literature is going to be disassembled for the sake of home decor.  No, I will go to the D.I. and find something completely unworthy of reading.  Maybe a Grisham, or I'll keep my fingers crossed for a copy of Twilight.  A sleezy romance would make for great conversation though.  Oh wait, Twilight is a sleezy romance novel!  Two birds with one sparkly, sparkly stone (or at least a vampire cold as stone).

I'll post pictures as soon as my version of the wreath is complete!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

ANTM Is Back!

Yeah, it's been on for a few weeks, but I still want to talk about it.  Especially the fact that there's no way the new judge:

is not the same person as the future guy in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure:

Totally the same person, right?  RIGHT?  And even if it's not, I'm still going to assume it is.

So here's who I like on ANTM this cycle:

 And here is who I don't like this cycle:

And they just keep making this poor girl:

look more and more like this guy:

Friday, April 9, 2010

irock4eves Thinks MJ Should RIP's no secret that Youtube comments are Mary Poppin's carpet bag of illiterate entertainment.  And if you were to reproduce all the funny/idiotic/unintelligible comments on Youtube, it would turn into a novel to rival War and Peace.

However, I could NOT let these beauts go unmentioned by my penny pen keyboard.  I found all of these on one Thriller video:

  • irock4eves M-magnificent
    6 days ago
     SincereTheLady @irock4eves at first I couldn't figure out what U were spelling lol... 3 days ago
    pladeeer haha I love watching this because in gym class we were bowling and listening to this song and we all stoped bowling and started dancing.Then two other people and I convinced our gym teacher to learn the dance with us for the next 3 weeks it was awesome :))  

    And, my dear friends, my favorite of all:

    PRR5406 Feels like something that would occur in Louisianna; evokes the Bayou atmosphere, moisture and overgrown graves.  Choreography reminds me of shrunken tendons, weakened bones. Just a perfect video.
    The poetry!  Oh, the poetry! PRR5406, your critical essay far outshines irock4eves' heartfelt anogram!

    And now for something awesome.  I stumbled across this while researching bad Youtube comments.  The werewolf transformation is genius, and they should really take the dance number on the road.  It's a little long, but so is the original video, and it's way better than those dancing convicts.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

At Least I Got Shoes...

Well,  I've been rather absent from my blog, for which I apologize, and I changed the address, which didn't make anything better.

But alas, I return to you with a story of brattiness and embarrassment.  Oh, and lots of shoes.

I spent some time at the sample sale last weekend, and bought five...5...pairs of shoes.

And a handbag.

And that's the fun (for me) part of the story.  Now comes the fun (for you) part...

On our (my mom, sister, and me) way to the sample sale Saturday morning, my mom asked me if I remembered my wallet, my employee badge, and my cell phone.  These are very valid questions on my mom's part, since I regularly forget/can't find pretty much everything I own.

My response to her, however, went something more along the lines of this:

"yes. YES. YES!!!  Holy crap, Mom!  You don't have to nag me about EVERYTHING!  I'm not five years old; I can remember to bring my stuff, and I don't even need my employee badge anyway!  So stop treating me like I'm five!!!"

Yep, I'm really awesome and nice like that.

Fast forward to the afternoon, when I had already forgotten about the morning conversation, and after I had just woken up from a nap (because, as it turns out, I am five).  Feeling in a responsible mood, I drove to Jiffy Lube to get my oil changed.

While at Jiffy Lube, they pointed out a rock chip in my windshield and asked if my insurance would pay for it to be fixed.

"uh, I don't know."

So then they asked who I had my insurance through.

"Uh, um...oh boy...uh, State Farm!  That's it!"

Do I know if I have a deductible?

"No, I don't know."

Do they want me to look it up?


Then things seemed to be going a bit my way, because I got half of my oil change!  That's always a fun surprise!

Oh, but then it came time to pay, and no matter how many cards I pulled out of my wallet, none of them were my debit card!

"I'm sorry, I have no idea where my card is, and the rest of them in here are all expired, I think."

Brilliant.  I am brilliant.

"Wait, this one is new, I just haven't activated it yet. I can activate it right now!  Oh, but my cell phone is dead...can I borrow a phone?"

And there I stood, inside Jiffy Lube, the only customer there, using their phone to activate the credit card I had just payed off so I could pay for my half-off oil change.  It's no surprise the Jiffy Lube guy couldn't resist telling me that the card didn't go through just to see my reaction.  Thank heavens he was only joking, or I may have completely lost my mind.

So I went home, laughing about what a ditz I am, and told my family about having to use Jiffy Lube's phone to activate my card, because in all my brilliance, I had gone to Jiffy Lube without my debit card or a working cell phone.

My mom just looked at me and said, "and you yelled at me this morning when I asked you if you remembered all that stuff."

Yes, yes I did...oops, sorry.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Beatknits is Beating those Knits!

If you haven't checked out my sister's etsy shop, go there right now!  You can also become a fan on Facebook!

And guess who's doing the modeling?

Oh, that's me!

But seriously, dudes.   This Beatknits stuff is for real!  Kirsten has tons of incredible products on her site, and tons more on the way (I get to see them in progress, and you guys shouldn't be able to wait for the finished products).

And I'm not the only one obsessed with her stuff.  These gloves get like 30 new views and favorites a day, and were even featured on That Crafty Bitch.

Let's be honest - who can resist that color? 

I've been discussing with Kirsten the idea of starting a Beatknits blog where she features items in progress, patterns, and even give aways. How many of you would go for your own free pair of  

Golden Fingerless Gloves?

 Let me know what you think!

Friday, March 5, 2010


As in, it's finally Friday, and I"m finally using this rad graphic Jessica sent me forever ago!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

You Think I'm Creative, Check Out My Sister!

My sister, Kirsten, learned how to knit just a couple months ago - between Thanksgiving and Christmas - and she took to it like frosting to a cupcake.  Seriously, she's learned how to do everything!  It's incredible!

She opened an Etsy store:, and came up with the oh-so-clever name of Beatknits. So if you long to don a dashing beret while wrapping yourself in home-knit decadence, check out her stuff RIGHT NOW and buy something!

My favorites are this scarf:

Hello cableknit!

This scarf :

And these fingerless gloves:

 Also, I was discussing the idea with her of possibly having her teach a knitting class. We were thinking of charging like $5-ish.  She could teach everyone how to become an incredible knitter in no time like she did for herself.  Let me know if this is something any of you lovely readers would be interested in!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Results are In...

...and the conclusion is that I ROCK! It's true, I really, really, really do.  See my fancy new button over there to your right?  The "I was featured on Tatertots and Jello" button?  Yeah, I got that because I WAS featured on Tatertots and Jello.  Check it out here.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Valentine's Crafting Part Deux!

I've sure gotten into crafting for Valentine's, which is unexpected since it's one of my least favorite holidays, but I just keep finding so much fun inspiration from none other than Tatertots and Jello, and, of course my own mind, and who can forget cupcake liners?  Seriously, those things have revolutionized my life!

So here's my latest V-Day craft spread.  

It's hard to see, but I cut my cute "Je t'aime" out of sparkly plum paper and modpodged the letters to (what else?) flattened-out cupcake liners.  Then I just taped them to a cute little sheer pink ribbon, and wha-la!  Valentine's banner!

The other craft I did yesterday came from this post, featured by Tatertots and Jello.  Though I despise the fact that the lady cut up books (BOOKS!  HOW CAN ANYONE CUT UP BOOKS? (well, actually, I'd probably love to cut up Twilight or The DaVinci Code)), I still liked the idea of little paper hearts.  So, I flipped through an old magazine (not nearly as precious a piece of literature as a book) to find pages that were primarily red and pink.  I ripped the pages out, cut them into little strips, and used those strips to make hearts to fill an apothecary jar (the other apothecary jar up there just has some silk peony blossoms in it, and they are just so yummy and ruffly).

 And there you have it!  Happy Valentine's Day!

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Valentine's Crafting!

I'm finally back on top of crafting, and actually posting on my blog about it!  5 gold stars for me!

Inspired by this, I created this:


...out of a foam heart shape I bought from Michael's and a whole bunch of white cupcake liners.  And yes, I do make everything out of cupcake liners.  Let's be honest, who can resist all those ruffles?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Knit Food is Almost as Delicious as Real Food!

I recently learned how to knit, and have yet to post any of my projects on here.  "My projects," aren't really as important as they sound, since I've only finished one neckwarmer collar, and one impatient scarf that wound up as an oversized hot pad.

However, I think I now found my new knitting inspiration.  KNIT PLAY FOOD!  You know, for little kids, or people like me.

Just look at how cute it is!

Some of it is knit, some of it is crocheted, and some is sewn felt, but all of it is insanely adorable.

Plus, with this awesome, crafty, way cuter than you could buy in the store, play food, your kids won't be sticking all manners of toxic plastics into their toxin ingesting mouths!

Monday, January 25, 2010

FHE is Killing Me!

I have a calling in my singles ward.  It's called Family Home Evening, and I rather despise when it's called FHE, though I sadly catch myself saying/texting that more often than I would like to admit, since when you say Family Home Evening, people just stare at you.  Apparently in singles wards, people only know how to speak acronym.

For this calling, I organize family home evening events, and contact the members of my group to try and get them to come.  Not many do.

And then there are the people who text me back when I text them about Family Home Evening.  Not the ones who respond with a nice, "thanks," or "I'll be there," I mean the ones who respond with an "F off!"

Okay, maybe they don't say that to me, but they might as well.  All too often I get a "STOP TEXTING ME!!!!" or something to the same effect.

Just today, I chastised some girl who apparently is no longer in the ward for being a little less than nice while informing me of that little fact that I (DUH!) should have known!  Once softly chastised, she returned with "Okay.  I just have a limited number of texts." A limited number of texts?  Does that make it okay to text yell at someone who's just trying to fulfill, let alone magnify, her calling?  And guess what?  Had she politely informed me of her status in the first place, I would have deleted her number from my FHE list and moved on.  Instead, it cost her 4 more of her precious text messages as I told her to stop being a jerkfacebratpantiesmeanyface!

My other favorite?  The fact that, every week, I send a text saying, "Hey, this is Andrea Sparks!  FHE...blah...blah...blah," and get not one, but multiple response text messages saying, "Who is this?"

Family Home Evening time is a special time!  It's the time we prepare to be single forever!

And then there's my partner, but that's really a story for a Chronicles of Dating thingy.  So follow-ups soon to follow.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Spoon Me + Provo = Even More Hatred than Before

You may remember a former mention of a beef I have with Utah County - Provo in particular.  There is also a frozen yogurt joint that I love.

Then comes the melding of what I love and what I hate, and hate wins out.  Why?  Because this happens:

And as if that weren't bad enough, there are also these:

The first video also showcases a classic example of Utah County speech: "Heater's broke."  That's right, that is right.  The heater is broke.

There are several Spoon Me locations in Utah, and as far as I know, they're all franchises.  It is more than telling that EVERY SINGLE HORRIBLE THING to come from a Spoon Me in Utah, comes from the Provo franchise (thank heavens the one near me is run by a cute little family).

Is it a coincidence that the same losers who run the Provo Spoon Me are likely the same losers who wear Shade shirts under their tube tops (or strapless wedding dresses), buy Bumpits by the truckload, and frantically rush the local grocery store at 11:30pm on a Saturday night? 

P.S.  I like to read Bumpits as Bum Pits.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Just One More Reason to Love Natalie Portman and Target

even though they remodeled my local Target to look like a K-Mart bargain bin.

During my Christmas shopping, I often feasted my eyes on a delicious mustard yellow, flowy, frilly, tulle delicacy, only to have it sell out before I could purchase or show it to anyone.

But lo and behold, Natalie Portman pranced her way along the red carpet in exactly the dress (which is somewhere below the not-so-cute jacket).

Though she's being praised for her frugal find, apparently a lot of people find the dress horrendous.  HORRENDOUS?  My fantasy frock?  "Pshaw" I say to the non-believers.  "Pshaw, indeed!"

More Bachelor Crap

After watching the episode, I slightly retract my "good for her" statement about the recent Bachelor scandal (ooo...scandal...whisper...whisper...drool).  But I still don't think it's that big of a deal.  Okay, yeah, I'm sure snuggling with cast members is a bad idea, professionally, for a staff member, but whatever. 

Anyway, my point is, if this goon can date multiple women at once,

why can't this girl?

That's the real problem with the show (though not a big enough problem to keep me from loving every second of it).  It's an unrealistic, unfair approach to real-life, uh, stuff.  You know, dating and such.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Because I'm Bored at Work (and it's only 9:30 a.m.)

I haven't watched last night's episode of The Bachelor yet, but I did hear the rumor about my favorite contestant:

And you know what?  I say, GOOD FOR HER!  I mean, had this been further into the season, I wouldn't look at it in the same light, but it's the second episode!   It's not like anyone has fallen in love with anyone yet, and if she found something somewhere else, good for her.

I guess I should watch the episode before I make any definitive judgments, however.

I also heard a rumor about who wins, and if it is true, I am sorely disappointed.  I'll save you all spoilers, but just rest assured that if he picks said girl, I warned you all.

In not reality tv news, my former disenchantment with Tatertots and Jello has been momentarily eased by her latest projects.

I am slightly inspired to go home and make something similar to this:

and we all know how I feel about cupcake liners...

  ...though I refuse to discuss what holiday this wreath was created for.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sounds About the Same to Me

This is easily the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long, long time:

YouTube Doubler

So apparently I can't fit the whole thing on my blog page, so if you really want to see Nickelback (and I will really question your humanity if you do) watch it here.

Many thanks to Jordan for sharing this with me!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You Know You Want to Love It Too


I mean,


You know you're excited.  You know you'll be addicted.  You know you will die if you don't see every single second of ABC's new dating shows!

First up...THE BACHELOR!  That's right, the Big Pappy of all dating shows.  Yes, we are on season (gulp) 14, but this one's got a catch pun...

And we all know how much I love dating shows and love catchy puns!

So here's who I like (of who survived the first axing):

I mean, all weeping breakdowns, crotch-high slits, etc. aside.

And here's who I don't like:


And here is who I am terrified of (as in, I'm pretty sure she burst out of someone's stomach at some point in her life and may actually be here to crawl out of your tv in the middle of the night to eat your children):

And, last but not least, we cannot ignore the reappearance of the worst-dressed couple of the century:

Mr. Baggy Eyes did us the very thoughtful favor of keeping his green man panties covered by a pair of wrinkled suit pants, but oh Jillian, Jillian, Jillian.  Disco Barbie should never, ever be your fashion inspiration.  The above picture does not do this horrendous dress justice, so I'm going to work on getting procuring some more illustrative snapshots...


And try not to behold the saggy sideboob, though that's pretty hard to miss.  Maybe she's just trying to make Ed feel better about his gravity-prone undereye skin.  What a great gal.

Oh, and did anyone else "pshfwp" when they talked about how quick they were to jump into the sack (after the girl they were talking to said she was hesitant on the whole wikiwiki thing - thoughtful, guys, thoughtful) when we all remember Jillian sobbing her eyes out last season when Ed couldn't "perform?"  Jillian is one CLASSY lady!  I mean, look at her dress!

Next up on the dating show acknowledgements - ONLY THE BEST SHOW TO EVER GRACE MY EYEBALLS! 


The first half of the show parades men on a conveyor belt past a panel of ladies with "interested" and "not interested" signs.  This, I believe, is the ultimate height of can't-peel-your-eyes-away-entertainment.  Then, teh second half does a brief, but concise summary of each lucky couple's dates, hitting all the highlights and leaving out the r...e...a...l...l...y...s...l...o...w...,...d...r...a...w...n...o...u...t...s...e...g...m...e...n....t...s that other reality shows tend to favor.

Plus, this happened in the first episode alone:


and there was mention of a miwk baf with rothe petawls. I will definitely be watching next week to see if the incredibleness continues...