Sunday, January 31, 2010

Valentine's Crafting!

I'm finally back on top of crafting, and actually posting on my blog about it!  5 gold stars for me!

Inspired by this, I created this:


...out of a foam heart shape I bought from Michael's and a whole bunch of white cupcake liners.  And yes, I do make everything out of cupcake liners.  Let's be honest, who can resist all those ruffles?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Knit Food is Almost as Delicious as Real Food!

I recently learned how to knit, and have yet to post any of my projects on here.  "My projects," aren't really as important as they sound, since I've only finished one neckwarmer collar, and one impatient scarf that wound up as an oversized hot pad.

However, I think I now found my new knitting inspiration.  KNIT PLAY FOOD!  You know, for little kids, or people like me.

Just look at how cute it is!

Some of it is knit, some of it is crocheted, and some is sewn felt, but all of it is insanely adorable.

Plus, with this awesome, crafty, way cuter than you could buy in the store, play food, your kids won't be sticking all manners of toxic plastics into their toxin ingesting mouths!

Monday, January 25, 2010

FHE is Killing Me!

I have a calling in my singles ward.  It's called Family Home Evening, and I rather despise when it's called FHE, though I sadly catch myself saying/texting that more often than I would like to admit, since when you say Family Home Evening, people just stare at you.  Apparently in singles wards, people only know how to speak acronym.

For this calling, I organize family home evening events, and contact the members of my group to try and get them to come.  Not many do.

And then there are the people who text me back when I text them about Family Home Evening.  Not the ones who respond with a nice, "thanks," or "I'll be there," I mean the ones who respond with an "F off!"

Okay, maybe they don't say that to me, but they might as well.  All too often I get a "STOP TEXTING ME!!!!" or something to the same effect.

Just today, I chastised some girl who apparently is no longer in the ward for being a little less than nice while informing me of that little fact that I (DUH!) should have known!  Once softly chastised, she returned with "Okay.  I just have a limited number of texts." A limited number of texts?  Does that make it okay to text yell at someone who's just trying to fulfill, let alone magnify, her calling?  And guess what?  Had she politely informed me of her status in the first place, I would have deleted her number from my FHE list and moved on.  Instead, it cost her 4 more of her precious text messages as I told her to stop being a jerkfacebratpantiesmeanyface!

My other favorite?  The fact that, every week, I send a text saying, "Hey, this is Andrea Sparks!  FHE...blah...blah...blah," and get not one, but multiple response text messages saying, "Who is this?"

Family Home Evening time is a special time!  It's the time we prepare to be single forever!

And then there's my partner, but that's really a story for a Chronicles of Dating thingy.  So follow-ups soon to follow.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Spoon Me + Provo = Even More Hatred than Before

You may remember a former mention of a beef I have with Utah County - Provo in particular.  There is also a frozen yogurt joint that I love.

Then comes the melding of what I love and what I hate, and hate wins out.  Why?  Because this happens:

And as if that weren't bad enough, there are also these:

The first video also showcases a classic example of Utah County speech: "Heater's broke."  That's right, that is right.  The heater is broke.

There are several Spoon Me locations in Utah, and as far as I know, they're all franchises.  It is more than telling that EVERY SINGLE HORRIBLE THING to come from a Spoon Me in Utah, comes from the Provo franchise (thank heavens the one near me is run by a cute little family).

Is it a coincidence that the same losers who run the Provo Spoon Me are likely the same losers who wear Shade shirts under their tube tops (or strapless wedding dresses), buy Bumpits by the truckload, and frantically rush the local grocery store at 11:30pm on a Saturday night? 

P.S.  I like to read Bumpits as Bum Pits.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Just One More Reason to Love Natalie Portman and Target

even though they remodeled my local Target to look like a K-Mart bargain bin.

During my Christmas shopping, I often feasted my eyes on a delicious mustard yellow, flowy, frilly, tulle delicacy, only to have it sell out before I could purchase or show it to anyone.

But lo and behold, Natalie Portman pranced her way along the red carpet in exactly the dress (which is somewhere below the not-so-cute jacket).

Though she's being praised for her frugal find, apparently a lot of people find the dress horrendous.  HORRENDOUS?  My fantasy frock?  "Pshaw" I say to the non-believers.  "Pshaw, indeed!"

More Bachelor Crap

After watching the episode, I slightly retract my "good for her" statement about the recent Bachelor scandal (ooo...scandal...whisper...whisper...drool).  But I still don't think it's that big of a deal.  Okay, yeah, I'm sure snuggling with cast members is a bad idea, professionally, for a staff member, but whatever. 

Anyway, my point is, if this goon can date multiple women at once,

why can't this girl?

That's the real problem with the show (though not a big enough problem to keep me from loving every second of it).  It's an unrealistic, unfair approach to real-life, uh, stuff.  You know, dating and such.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Because I'm Bored at Work (and it's only 9:30 a.m.)

I haven't watched last night's episode of The Bachelor yet, but I did hear the rumor about my favorite contestant:

And you know what?  I say, GOOD FOR HER!  I mean, had this been further into the season, I wouldn't look at it in the same light, but it's the second episode!   It's not like anyone has fallen in love with anyone yet, and if she found something somewhere else, good for her.

I guess I should watch the episode before I make any definitive judgments, however.

I also heard a rumor about who wins, and if it is true, I am sorely disappointed.  I'll save you all spoilers, but just rest assured that if he picks said girl, I warned you all.

In not reality tv news, my former disenchantment with Tatertots and Jello has been momentarily eased by her latest projects.

I am slightly inspired to go home and make something similar to this:

and we all know how I feel about cupcake liners...

  ...though I refuse to discuss what holiday this wreath was created for.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Sounds About the Same to Me

This is easily the funniest thing I have seen in a long, long, long time:

YouTube Doubler

So apparently I can't fit the whole thing on my blog page, so if you really want to see Nickelback (and I will really question your humanity if you do) watch it here.

Many thanks to Jordan for sharing this with me!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

You Know You Want to Love It Too


I mean,


You know you're excited.  You know you'll be addicted.  You know you will die if you don't see every single second of ABC's new dating shows!

First up...THE BACHELOR!  That's right, the Big Pappy of all dating shows.  Yes, we are on season (gulp) 14, but this one's got a catch pun...

And we all know how much I love dating shows and love catchy puns!

So here's who I like (of who survived the first axing):

I mean, all weeping breakdowns, crotch-high slits, etc. aside.

And here's who I don't like:


And here is who I am terrified of (as in, I'm pretty sure she burst out of someone's stomach at some point in her life and may actually be here to crawl out of your tv in the middle of the night to eat your children):

And, last but not least, we cannot ignore the reappearance of the worst-dressed couple of the century:

Mr. Baggy Eyes did us the very thoughtful favor of keeping his green man panties covered by a pair of wrinkled suit pants, but oh Jillian, Jillian, Jillian.  Disco Barbie should never, ever be your fashion inspiration.  The above picture does not do this horrendous dress justice, so I'm going to work on getting procuring some more illustrative snapshots...


And try not to behold the saggy sideboob, though that's pretty hard to miss.  Maybe she's just trying to make Ed feel better about his gravity-prone undereye skin.  What a great gal.

Oh, and did anyone else "pshfwp" when they talked about how quick they were to jump into the sack (after the girl they were talking to said she was hesitant on the whole wikiwiki thing - thoughtful, guys, thoughtful) when we all remember Jillian sobbing her eyes out last season when Ed couldn't "perform?"  Jillian is one CLASSY lady!  I mean, look at her dress!

Next up on the dating show acknowledgements - ONLY THE BEST SHOW TO EVER GRACE MY EYEBALLS! 


The first half of the show parades men on a conveyor belt past a panel of ladies with "interested" and "not interested" signs.  This, I believe, is the ultimate height of can't-peel-your-eyes-away-entertainment.  Then, teh second half does a brief, but concise summary of each lucky couple's dates, hitting all the highlights and leaving out the r...e...a...l...l...y...s...l...o...w...,...d...r...a...w...n...o...u...t...s...e...g...m...e...n....t...s that other reality shows tend to favor.

Plus, this happened in the first episode alone:


and there was mention of a miwk baf with rothe petawls. I will definitely be watching next week to see if the incredibleness continues...

Sunday, January 3, 2010

New Years Resolutions

To kick off a new year, I resolve to:

1. Lose weight (because who doesn't have this at the top of their resolution list?).
2. Spend less time on Facebook and more time cultivating real relationships and farms (okay, the farm thing probably won't happen, but the thought is there).
3. Eat more gelato (counteractive to resolution #1, I know).
4. Compete in cyclocross (I've got a long way to go, and the thought of this absolutely terrifies me).
5. Go to grad school (or back for another bachelor's, or become a teacher, or a professional pompom maker).
6. Use more parantheticals (you know you like them).
7.  Learn to paint.
8. Burn all known existing copies of Twilight (the book and the movie).
9.  Publish my own book about a hunky vampire (and an unwitting dentist).
10. Have a 75% attendance record on my blog.
11. Start making flower arrangement again.
12. Use alliteration as much as possible.
13. Become more organized.
14. Minimize my wardrobe.
15. Actually finish some craft projects every once in awhile.