I mean,
They're HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE!
You know you're excited. You know you'll be addicted. You know you will die if you don't see every single second of ABC's new dating shows!
First up...THE BACHELOR! That's right, the Big Pappy of all dating shows. Yes, we are on season (gulp) 14, but this one's got a catch pun...
And we all know how much I love dating shows and love catchy puns!
So here's who I like (of who survived the first axing):
I mean, all weeping breakdowns, crotch-high slits, etc. aside.
And here's who I don't like:
And here is who I am terrified of (as in, I'm pretty sure she burst out of someone's stomach at some point in her life and may actually be here to crawl out of your tv in the middle of the night to eat your children):
And, last but not least, we cannot ignore the reappearance of the worst-dressed couple of the century:
Mr. Baggy Eyes did us the very thoughtful favor of keeping his green man panties covered by a pair of wrinkled suit pants, but oh Jillian, Jillian, Jillian. Disco Barbie should never, ever be your fashion inspiration. The above picture does not do this horrendous dress justice, so I'm going to work on getting procuring some more illustrative snapshots...
BEHOLD THE RAINBOW SPARKLES!
And try not to behold the saggy sideboob, though that's pretty hard to miss. Maybe she's just trying to make Ed feel better about his gravity-prone undereye skin. What a great gal.
Oh, and did anyone else "pshfwp" when they talked about how quick they were to jump into the sack (after the girl they were talking to said she was hesitant on the whole wikiwiki thing - thoughtful, guys, thoughtful) when we all remember Jillian sobbing her eyes out last season when Ed couldn't "perform?" Jillian is one CLASSY lady! I mean, look at her dress!
Next up on the dating show acknowledgements - ONLY THE BEST SHOW TO EVER GRACE MY EYEBALLS!
HOLY CRAP THIS SHOW IS SO GOOD!
The first half of the show parades men on a conveyor belt past a panel of ladies with "interested" and "not interested" signs. This, I believe, is the ultimate height of can't-peel-your-eyes-away-entertainment. Then, teh second half does a brief, but concise summary of each lucky couple's dates, hitting all the highlights and leaving out the r...e...a...l...l...y...s...l...o...w...,...d...r...a...w...n...o...u...t...s...e...g...m...e...n....t...s that other reality shows tend to favor.
Plus, this happened in the first episode alone:
and there was mention of a miwk baf with rothe petawls. I will definitely be watching next week to see if the incredibleness continues...
1 comment:
I can't watch these shows. I used to, and then it was like "wait, this is demeaning and no longer funny to watch in seriousness." I think I could watch The Bachelor again but only in short segments and in an attitude of pure derision.
Has any girl ever dropped out of one of these shows voluntarily because she realized that the Bachelor in question was in fact a d*$##%?
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