Crafts, crafts, crafts

So I'm really lazy about uploading pictures of crafts I've been working on.  I finally got around to kind-of-sort-of doing it, so here is a collage of some of the crafts I've been working on lately:

Hopefully I'll get around to uploading more photos, working on more crafts, and actually telling you about the crafts I am working on, but it's Christmas vacation, so I'm not going to do it now.

I Just Like These Pictures A Lot

And to go along with this ape: 

And to go along with this kitty: 

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

Because that's what this morning was - a glorious wonderland of glittering, flittering flakes.  I love the snow!  I love everything about it, even driving in it. You'll never hear me making comments about "trying to survive the snow," or "wanting to fly south," or "wishing that white stuff out there would disappear," or anything of the sort.  I love it!  It's beautiful, it's clean, it's like a Pavlovian bell for snuggling up and becoming nostalgic.

On a related note that you will hopefully soon understand said relation, I tried out my new alarm clock today.  The one that promises a sensory experience guaranteed to boost your aura, or something like that.  It simulates a sunrise and emits nature sounds to peacefully, and gradually wake you.  Turns out, I slept straight through it all and woke up when the "sun" had been fully risen and birds had chirped their little feathery heads off in a rain forest a continent away for a full ten minutes.  BUT, I did get up, bright and bleary, just after 6:30.  And thus I went walking in the fluffy morning.

I used to wake up at 6:30 every morning and walk 2-3 miles before work.  Then I got lazy, my bed got cozy, and the days grew shorter, and I stopped waking up at 6:30 to go walking.  Que simulated sunrise alarm clock, and today I got up and walked 1 mile.  But, it was through 8 inches of snow and a layer of ice, so I felt like I could justifiably consider it equivalent to at least 2 miles, if not more.  Then there was shoveling snow, and I considered myself adequately worked-out for the day.

The keyword here is "the day," which I guess is two words.  The key two words here are "the day."  The bigger picture shows me in this exact cycle:

 

 

 

 

Check out the whole series here.  It's worth looking at the whole thing (which I condensed to get you to go there and look for yourself, because I can't show you the whole thing and leave nothing for the artist to lure you in with).

Anyway, I got the alarm clock with the hopes of rising early every morning to commence my morning walk while simultaneously enjoying the wintery weather.  Why?  Because I feel like a bloated, puffy version of myself.  Like, had the 18-year old me fallen in a river and drowned, only to be discovered days later, the current me would look strikingly similar, only a little less blue and a little less wet.

I contemplated having a little sidebar gadget where I could publicly confess to the fruits of my daily toilings and therefore be more motivated to actually get off my butt to save face, but then I realized that my laziness has reached a level that even public recognition of itself would be unlikely to motivate it to change its ways (I may have just personified my laziness and I'm not going to go back and change the case or tense or whatever kind of grammar thing-a-ma-job-i-bob you'd call it).

And so, I leave you with a scene of a winter wonderland that will hopefully become my motivation to get out of bed every morning, because who can sleep through this:

                                       

(yes, I do see in fisheye in the mornings, in case you were asking)

I Don't Want a Lot for Christmas...

...there is just one thing I need

I don't care about the presents

underneath the Christmas tree

I just want you for my own

More than you could ever know

Make my wish come true

All I want for Christmas is...

NO MORE FREAKING SEIZURE LIGHTS!

I'm serious people...SERIOUS!!!

I think they're the blue LED Christmas lights, or maybe they're something else, but either way they look like this:

 or this:

Or this:

They're those blue light that ares starting to pop up everywhere that you can't quite get your eyes to focus on, so you end up staring at them all bug-eyed while their vibrating blue light permeates your optical nerve to induce immediate migrane nausea.  I am completely convinced that these things can induce epilepsy without even blinking.

I haven't looked this year, but last year they put these lights on the trees on either side of the thoroughfare at Gateway.  I literally (and by literally, I do actually mean literally) nearly crashed into the back of a mall security car while trying to focus my vision between the fog of reverberating blue before my eyes. 

I know they make those LED lights in other colors, but there's something about the blue that gets my cornea wriggling.

Happy December!

Christmas is here!  Well, the Christmas season, at least.  I know, stores have had Christmas decorations since mid-September, but I ignored them all until now.
Now it is the real Christmas season, not that faux one where you buy your plastic light-up reindeer from Wal-mart with the air conditioner blowing down on your freshly highlighted hair.

No, now it is Christmas - real Christmas.  The one with the snow (hopefully), the lights, the coziness of scrunching the walls of your house in a little tighter as you add cheery knick-knacks to every corner, every shelf, every countertop. Now it is Christmas.

At my house, Christmas means German cookies, advent, incense cones streaming smoke from wooden faces, candles spinning pyramid blades,  and peppermint tea.  I love German  Christmas!  I love every bit of it, especially  that little extra holiday we get to slip in there on December 6.

Though I love Christmas, and the holiday season being full on upon us, I am still missing my favorite holiday of all.  It came and went so quickly this year that I hardly missed it until long after the fact.  But while reading a paragraph of Ray Bradbury, I suddenly found myself visualizing a snapshot of standing in a corn maze with a full moon above, and the sounds of dry husks rasping in my ears.  I got that weird nostalgic feeling where you're equally happy and distraught about things remembered.  Thank heavens for Christmas, otherwise I don't think I'd be able to survive!

And thank heavens for this kitty too!

Whose Ready for Christmas?

ME!!!

I normally don't like Thanksgiving, but I tried REALLY HARD to this year. I do like fall, and I love getting to keep all my Halloween pumpkin decorations out another month, but Thanksgiving itself incites little in me (aside from getting the day off of work - but not FRIDAY- oh, no.  Why would we get Friday off? No one gets Friday off, right?).

Except for how pretty indian corn is, because, I mean, it's totally gorgeous.  

And then we had Thanksgiving dinner this past Saturday, because that's when my brother and his family could make it into town.  So we're done with stuffing, and mashed potatoes, and the carcasses of dead animals, right? 

Right?

More Meteor

Here are more pictures I found of the FREAKING HUGE METEOR I saw the other night.

I know, I know, I am a little bit obsessed with it. But if you read my blog, you should know by now that when I get excited about something, it takes me a minimum of a week to calm down about it.

Plus, it was SO PRETTY! I mean, look at it!

You can see videos of it here.

Also, I must have totally forgot about it, but this meteor showed up in Salt Lake like a year and a half ago:


Crazy! How did I not remember this at least being on the news? Apparently we have a giant meteor magnet here.

HOLY METEOR!

If you watch the local news, you've probably already heard about, but I'm going to say it again...

HOLY METEOR!

ksl.com - Bright flash turns night into day (Gallery Viewer)

I was hot tubbing with Laura around midnight last night - yes, midnight, that is when everything mystical happens - when all of a sudden...HOLY METEOR!

(this isn't the meteor I saw - it was even bigger and prettier!)

We were both facing away from it when all of a sudden there was a crazy bright light behind us. We both thought it was a car pulling into the driveway at first, but when I turned around and saw no car, and immediately thought someone was shining a spotlight on us in the hot tub - perverts!

But then I looked at the sky, and the entire sky was lit up like it was the middle of the day. Then, the brightness sucked itself in to one burning, fiery ball falling out of the sky.

Plane crash!

was my thought, but then I saw that it was something falling out of space.

ALIENS!

Seriously, for a split second, I did think it was aliens.

Then I realized it was the biggest, prettiest, most incredible meteor I had ever seen in my life. It was a massive ball of brilliant light burning through the sky with a trail of orange sparks and fire. This thing seriously had to last at least five seconds for me to have to turn around, look for it, and still see it streaking across the sky!

It was incredible, it was beautiful, and it was a little bit scary when I thought it was going to crash into the earth (and when I thought it was aliens).

Either way, I know it was something that was a once in a lifetime thing. A never in a lifetime thing for many, even, and I got to see it!

(This is an actual picture of the aftermath of the meteor I saw (didn't know meteors left visible aftermath in the sky))

My Perfect Creation

It's true, it's really happened. Gathering ideas from Tatertots and Jello (which everyone should follow, by the way), I have created this necklace:

I LOVE IT!

Mostly because it has more meaning to me than just something that I made. I used vintage fabric from my Grossmutti, who was a professional seamstress in Germany. I remembered her sewing stuff out of this fabric, and was excited to find some remnants at my mom's house. I also used a vintage button I found, probably from my Grossmutti too. I left the fabric completely uncoated or sealed to preserve the colors and let the texture of the fabric show.

Here's what I used:

Glitter label tag
Vintage fabric
Vintage rhinestone button
Jewelry chain, spring rings, and jump ring
Silver floral wire
Loose pearls and glass beads
Single loose rhinestone
E600 glue

And here's some other stuff I've been working on!

More label tag necklaces, inspired by Tatertots and Jello:


Vintage button earrings:

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment # 8 - Devin, Part 2

So we left the story in the middle of me feeling like I was in one of those horror movies where the camera is focused on something in the foreground, only to look up, and

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

the dude is totally standing right there! And barely audible above the pounding of your recently terrified heart, you hear these words:

"We should go out some time."

Que my expectation of said date:

If only it had gone that well.

The date began with us going to his sisters house to feed her animals and water her plants because she was on vacation.

That's right. You can go ahead and think about that one for awhile.

Beyond the leg-eyeing dogs and half-dead plants, the basic watering and feeding routine was spiced up with the addition of an iguana, Steve, who needed some lettuce for dinner and a fresh dish of water, and who was apparently the most terrifying thing Devin had ever seen. Multiple attempts at putting a fresh dish of water in the tank left it looking more like an aquarium and Steve enduring an impromptu bath every time he blinked or twitched. That is, until I took over and gave the little lizard his meal.

Leaving Steve to snack on leafy greens, we proceeded down the hall, Devin still jumpy and I still rolling my eyes, to stop at the end in front of a family portrait. Devin pointed out his 9 year-old niece to me and said, and I am not joking,

"I was her same age when my brother met HIS wife TOO."

Did you catch the implications of the emphasized words? Because I sure did, and had to avoid the eye contact he was attempting as a follow up to his comment.

Skip forward to Macaroni Grill where we talked about...I'll give you three guesses...

Work?

Nope.

Kittens?

Not at all.

Current events?

I wish.

Give up? Basketball. Who'd have thought, right?

But guess what? This story doesn't end with the date. Oh no! The good stuff is yet to come.

Apparently, Devin thought the date was magical, and that he and I were, to use his words...hang on...*gag, barf, yack*..."meant to be," or at least so I heard from one of our coworkers who Devin was convinced was my deepest-secrets-revealing-level-of-best-friend. And of course, all my efforts to avoid a second date were me just playing "hard to get."

When he straight-up asked me on another date, several weeks later, I straight-up told him "no." He was perturbed at first, and I think convinced himself that if he asked someone else on the date, I would no doubtedly become jealous and begin the chase myself. But, oh, oh, how untrue that was!

Interior scene, flower shop - Day

Phone rings, employee in her mid-20s answers

Andrea:
Thank you for calling the Flower Patch, how can I help you?

Unidentified male voice:
Hi, I need to order a flower.

Andrea:
Pick-up or delivery?

Unidentified male voice:
Pick-up. I want a white rose with baby's breath.

Andrea:
Just one?

Unidentified male voice:
Yes.

Andrea:
Can I get your name and phone number for the order?

Unidentified male voice:
This is Devin!

Andrea:
Oh, hi Devin.

Devin:
You didn't know it was me?

Andrea:
Sorry, no. We have a lot of guys call here everyday.

Devin:
Oh. Well I need that flower for my date today. You know, that one I asked you on. Well, I asked someone else.

End Scene

Two days later: Devin had fallen completely in love with the girl he asked on the date in lieu of enjoying my company. He knew that they were "meant for each other," because "the girl you end up with always comes after the one you thought you'd end up with." And, according to my coworker/apparent best friend, Devin knew that he and I weren't "meant for each other" when I didn't recognize his voice on the phone. Because of course I should be able to pick one voice out of the hundreds I talk to every day as one I recognize, and of course, even if I did think I recognized it, it would be totally appropriate for me, to say, "Flower Patch...oh my gosh! Is this Devin? This is totally Devin, isn't it?"

SNL Totally Stole My Idea!

I've been joking around for awhile about writing a teen romance book about a Frankenstein Monster (or a mummy) who goes to highschool, posing as a teenager, only to fall in love with an awkward, clumsy, slightly sadistic dishrag of a girl who is unaware that any women's rights movements have ever taken place.

And then I saw this today:

Which is totally okay, because it helped me realize that my idea was totally as hilarious as I thought it was, and SNL did it way better than I probably could ever have anyway.

GO SNL!

And I know this is my third post of the day, but whatever.

And Twilight sucks.

And there is only one Edward whom I will ever allow myself to be obsessed with:



Okay, maybe two, but that's it!

Uh, well...

Finis.

If Only I Were This Creative...

...I wouldn't have to post pictures of other people's stuff. BUT, their stuff is totally worthy of being replicated on the internet as many times as possible.

In Honor of Sesame Street's 40th Anniversary:

Sesame Street cake pops from Bakerella.

Adorable Sesame Street Cakes! Find more adorableness at Cakewrecks.

More Gossip Girl Fashion Faux Pas

Seriously, Gossip Girl? Seriously?

I mean, you should reward me for unashamedly watching you, and fantastic fashion is usually the promised reward. But this week, not only was Serena dressed like a member of the Golden Girls cast, but Venessa appeared in a backwards dress!

Just looks like a normal, high-neck dress from the front:


But when she turns around....

TOTALLY BACKWARDS!

WTF, Gossip Girl?

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment #8 - Devin Part 1

Once upon a time, I worked at The Flower Patch. It was really awesome in some ways, and really terrible in others. But, in the end, I learned how to design flowers, and that made it all worth it.

And Devin made it especially worth it, because I now have one of the greatest, most horrendous dating stories ever.

Devin was a recently returned LDS missionary who got a temporary seasonal job at the flower patch for Valentine's Day, because flower shops are complete pandemonium on Valentine's Day.

Devin liked to just hang out in the shop, talking about how good he was at basketball and about how his intramural basketball team was the best in the whole valley because he was on it. He'd endlessly relate tales of making impossible shots, stealing the ball, and, of course, intentionally fouling the guys on the other team with impressive brutality.

And that's all he talked about.

The rest of us girls would try to turn conversations to something else besides basketball, but Devin, I think, must have been legally deaf, because the sounds coming out of others' mouths made no noticeable effect on him. Everyone would, without exception, be cut-off by yet another rendition of a sweet pass and killer dunk.

And then Devin had a crush on me, which was only noticeable because he asked me more questions, and therefore cut me off more, than the rest of the girls. And when I was closing the shop, he would clock out at the end of his shift and stay to talk about basketball until I locked up.

Oh, he also talked, on occasion, about his other job with a lawn care company, and about how he was so good at mowing lawns, and so good with business stuff, and so charismatic with the customers, that the owner of the business was sure that if Devin stuck with it for five more years, that he'd eventually become part-owner and be able to make a lifelong career out of lawncare. He was sure he'd be set for life mowing lawns, and therefore had no aspirations to go to college.

As his crush on me apparently grew, so did the number of times I was cut-off and ignored by him.

Then Valentine's Day happened, and I was sure the world was going to end, because the level of stress in that shop was sure to send some serious bad mojo out into the world and start melting lampposts and streetlights and stuff.

I got to work to be hustled into this weird little nook on the side of the store (it was actually the old drive-up window of the KFC that existed there before someone had the bright idea to change it into a flower shop) to make custom bouquets for all those people who procrastinated until Valentine's Day but just weren't going to be satisfied with any of the hundreds of pre-made bouquets we had spent the last week putting together and sticking in the cooler so they would be nice and fresh for Valentine's.

When a former employee who found it appropriate to come hang out with us in the middle of the hubbub of the holiday, came to me to tell me that there was a delivery that arrived for me, I was too overwhelmed with rose thorns and baby's breath to think too hard about it, aside from the momentary confusion of wondering why a delivery came TO the Flower Patch, when we were delivering out like Umpa Lumpas on a sugar high.

Evantually, that ex co-worker brought my "delivery" to me in my little drive-thru window. I saw a card almost exactly like this one:

And a fuzzy white teddy bear. Still too busy to look, I set it aside, assuming it was from a friend or family member.

Hours later, I got a brief break in the steady stream of customers, and reached over to open up the "Loads of Love" card.

Inside it said something to the effect of "Happy Valentine's Day...blah, blah, blah...Devin."

Shocked, I looked up from the card to see DEVIN STANDING RIGHT THERE, like two feet in front of me, staring at me as I had read my card!

"Uh, thanks for the card, and, uh, teddy bear." I stammered, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Maybe we could go out sometime."

"Uh, okay."

What the crap? How was I supposed to think clearly when they guy had just given me a Valentine's present and then popped in like Jack the Ripper to ask me out? I was stuck! I couldn't even run away from the horror, because he was blocking the doorway!

TO BE CONTINUED

Nightmare on My Street

Here are some more Halloween collages! Hope you enjoy them!

Remember, Remember the 5th of November

Ah, today is the day that American movie-goers remember as the day that one guy with the mask blew up that one building in England and then that girl shaved her head. And it was all really freaking awesome!

The English remember it in a very different way, I think:

But however you celebrate it, I hope you do so with a cupcake at least 1/2 as adorable as this one:

Some Halloween Pics, Finally!

And this isn't all of them; I'm just sick of being on the computer today, so I only wanted to do so much, but here are some collages of my delightful Halloween.

Pumpkins in the tub:

Halloween tree decorated by me:

Thrilling treats by me and others too:

To Help with the Post-Halloween Blues...

...here's something to put a smile (or grimace, which kind-of looks the same) on your face this bright Monday, compliments of tamponcrafts.com.

The Tampon Toupee

Also a great idea for next year's Halloween costume. Find instructions here.

Also, happy All Soul's Day! Which is totally just an extension of Halloween, right?

I'm NOT Going to Stop Talking About Halloween for Awhile

...or cupcake garlands for that matter, as I am completely obsessed with both.

My first cupcake garland is struggling, because as it hangs, the cupcake liners slowly but surely slide down the thread and squish each other, making them all flatter and leaving a serious gap at the ends of the string.

I think that I may have found a solution to this problem, however.

POMPOMS!!!

I found this garland on this adorable blog and am totally inspired! I think I'll use the pompoms to remedy my problems with this garland:


and then replicate the picture to make one with flat liners too.