Sunday, November 8, 2009

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment #8 - Devin Part 1

Once upon a time, I worked at The Flower Patch. It was really awesome in some ways, and really terrible in others. But, in the end, I learned how to design flowers, and that made it all worth it.

And Devin made it especially worth it, because I now have one of the greatest, most horrendous dating stories ever.

Devin was a recently returned LDS missionary who got a temporary seasonal job at the flower patch for Valentine's Day, because flower shops are complete pandemonium on Valentine's Day.

Devin liked to just hang out in the shop, talking about how good he was at basketball and about how his intramural basketball team was the best in the whole valley because he was on it. He'd endlessly relate tales of making impossible shots, stealing the ball, and, of course, intentionally fouling the guys on the other team with impressive brutality.

And that's all he talked about.

The rest of us girls would try to turn conversations to something else besides basketball, but Devin, I think, must have been legally deaf, because the sounds coming out of others' mouths made no noticeable effect on him. Everyone would, without exception, be cut-off by yet another rendition of a sweet pass and killer dunk.

And then Devin had a crush on me, which was only noticeable because he asked me more questions, and therefore cut me off more, than the rest of the girls. And when I was closing the shop, he would clock out at the end of his shift and stay to talk about basketball until I locked up.

Oh, he also talked, on occasion, about his other job with a lawn care company, and about how he was so good at mowing lawns, and so good with business stuff, and so charismatic with the customers, that the owner of the business was sure that if Devin stuck with it for five more years, that he'd eventually become part-owner and be able to make a lifelong career out of lawncare. He was sure he'd be set for life mowing lawns, and therefore had no aspirations to go to college.

As his crush on me apparently grew, so did the number of times I was cut-off and ignored by him.

Then Valentine's Day happened, and I was sure the world was going to end, because the level of stress in that shop was sure to send some serious bad mojo out into the world and start melting lampposts and streetlights and stuff.

I got to work to be hustled into this weird little nook on the side of the store (it was actually the old drive-up window of the KFC that existed there before someone had the bright idea to change it into a flower shop) to make custom bouquets for all those people who procrastinated until Valentine's Day but just weren't going to be satisfied with any of the hundreds of pre-made bouquets we had spent the last week putting together and sticking in the cooler so they would be nice and fresh for Valentine's.

When a former employee who found it appropriate to come hang out with us in the middle of the hubbub of the holiday, came to me to tell me that there was a delivery that arrived for me, I was too overwhelmed with rose thorns and baby's breath to think too hard about it, aside from the momentary confusion of wondering why a delivery came TO the Flower Patch, when we were delivering out like Umpa Lumpas on a sugar high.

Evantually, that ex co-worker brought my "delivery" to me in my little drive-thru window. I saw a card almost exactly like this one:

And a fuzzy white teddy bear. Still too busy to look, I set it aside, assuming it was from a friend or family member.

Hours later, I got a brief break in the steady stream of customers, and reached over to open up the "Loads of Love" card.

Inside it said something to the effect of "Happy Valentine's Day...blah, blah, blah...Devin."

Shocked, I looked up from the card to see DEVIN STANDING RIGHT THERE, like two feet in front of me, staring at me as I had read my card!

"Uh, thanks for the card, and, uh, teddy bear." I stammered, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Maybe we could go out sometime."

"Uh, okay."

What the crap? How was I supposed to think clearly when they guy had just given me a Valentine's present and then popped in like Jack the Ripper to ask me out? I was stuck! I couldn't even run away from the horror, because he was blocking the doorway!



Amandean said...

I'll delay judgement until part 2, but I think that last simile may have been a bit excessive. I guess we'll see what happens in the second installment.

Crystal Ross said...

Ahhh I can't wait to hear the rest! And thanks for the sweet wedding comments--i think we have a lot of the same tastes! Great minds do think alike :)

utahlawyer said...

I love the cupcake people.

Michelle 2021 said...

Ugh. Weirdos. Bleah.