This One Really is About the Oscars

Since my previous post about America's Next Top Model may have mislead some of you (Jeff), I'm here now to really write about the Oscars.

I'm a total film snob with absolutely no reason to be one. I know next to nothing about cinematography, and I'd be hard-pressed to name more than 5 directors. I do have a decent handle on celebrity gossip, however, and a whole bucket full of strong opinions to help me gauge movies.

I think I'm going to make cupcakes based on the Best Picture nominees for my Oscars party. It will involve some feathers and a lot of blood, but I think I'm up for the challenge.




And so, without further ado, here's my big blob of Oscars blog:

Let's talk about the films nominated for best film (since really, there are only like 3 other categories people tend to care about, and I don't want to talk about any of those):

1. Black Swan

A movie about ballet? A movie about Swan Lake? Obviously this one's going to get my vote. I mean, I would have expected this other ballet gem to win best picture, but alas it wasn't nominated. And Black Swan totally stole the pointe shoe shredding/bending/smacking on the floor/sticking under water scene directly from Center Stage anyway, which was clearly the most crucial scene in each movie. But seriously, my ballet movie devotion aside, I really liked Black Swan. A lot.

2. The Fighter

I didn't see this movie. I'm not sure what it's about either, but the name alone makes me wonder if someone is just feeling reminiscent about whatever year "The Wrestler" was the big thing. These movies may be nothing alike, but someone like me, who has nothing but the title to reference, can wonder if we're favoring a genre. And didn't Christian Bale already do that super-skinny creepo thing once before? Is the shock appeal as effective the second time around?

3. Inception

I saw this movie (because, really, who hasn't) and I have one thing to say: If it wasn't a dream the whole time, I'm going to be very upset; like cry in the grocery store upset. And Ellen Page could not bore/annoy me more. Not necissarliy in this movie; just in general. I feel like if I were to hang out with her, it would be just like hanging out with Juno, or that chick from Whip it, or whatever her name is in this movie. The rest of Inception is delightful, but I'm not sure if it's Best Film delightful.

4. The Kids Are All Right

I haven't seen this one either. I hear it's about lesbians. Meh.

5. The King's Speech

Apparently I'm really bad at seeing Oscar nominees, because I haven't seen this movie either. It looks charming enough, but I have a feeling it would just end up on my shelf next to all the dusty Jane Austen adaptations after a few months. Heaven knows I love Geoffrey Rush though.

6. 127 Hours

Did you know people passed out watching this movie?

7. The Social Network

I watched this one on the airplane, squashed between this movie and this movie. And it was edited. I enjoyed it nonetheless, and went home feeling guilty for using Facebook. I guess that makes it one powerful flick.

8. Toy Story 3

Wait, what? Really? This movie is nominated? It's cute, but not half as good as Toy Story or Toy Story 2. And it's not like the Academy ran out of movies to nominate either. I honestly keep forgetting it was nominated, because who actually cares that much about this movie. It will likely win Best Animanted Whatever, though, which is also unfortunate, because that means my favorite won't win.

9. Winter's Bone

Yeah, I know absolutely nothing about this movie, but somehow I'm getting a very "Lovely Bones" vibe from it. Maybe it's just the word "Bone" in the title and the desaturated picture of a girl on the poster that's doing it.

10. True Grit

I spent the entirety of this movie wishing that dumb girl would rebraid her obviously reinforced hair. Really, those things kept sagging more and more, like a swimming pool diaper. And what's with the PG-13 rating, dudes? These eyes are rated for non-head-and-rock and face-and-bullet scenes only. And can we all admit that Jeff Bridges was pretty much playing that one character from the other Cohen Brothers movie I hate? Matt Damon, however, was pretty awesome, and I always love a former Goonie. That dumb girl was just plain intollerable, and so was her stupid hair.

So there you have it. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of handing out Oscars.

Also, did you see Britney's awesome performance as Ke$ha on what may be the worst Glee episode to date?

Just in Time for the Oscars

Tyra is really trying to play up the "cycles" metaphor, because *SWOOP* a new cycle of America's Next Top Model is starting today. SURPRISE CYCLE! Did you know it was coming today? Because I sure did not.

Luckily, there's still time to prepare yourself. Just take a look at the contestants here.

Tyra once again proves that she is in touch with the non-supermodel woman by saying of Ann (last cycle's winner):

Watching Ann realize that she is uniquely beautiful standing tall at 6'2 is one of the reasons I make it a point to choose contestants that the audience can relate to.

Because if there is one thing all us average women can relate to, it's this:

Many thanks to Jessica for finding my new favorite Tyra quote!



But let's get back to this cycle. I'm not going to say who will win, or even who will do well, since we all know Tyra will just choose whomever I like least, but based on preliminary pictures, Molly, Hannah, Jaclyn, Ondrei, and Mikaela are getting my votes. We'll see how I feel after tonight.

In simular, terrible TV-related news, Glee is slowly and tentatively winning me back, especially with this.

VD-ay

Wow, I sure suck at blogging, don't I? The fact that my blog background is still Halloween-themed (which it probably would be anyway) is just a testimony of how little I have blogged lately. So sorries!

And today is Valentine's. Great day to decide to start blogging again, right? But as we all know, Valentimes is serious times.

But seriously, it's tines. And I'm blogging. Since I have no lover (I was going to link to an SNL skit here, but I can't find the link, so you'll just have to deal with that word all on it's own), I shall talk about other things I love. Like baby animals and licorice. And this list of stuff:

1. Germany. I just went to Germany. It was awesome. I went for 10 days with my brother, Brian, and we stayed with my uncle and his family, which included, among spouses and children, a python, a bearded dragon, and some rabbits that hang out in the backyard.

Germany is beautiful. Between about 5,000 castles, the Alps, the Cyclocross World Champinoships, and Spezzi, it is absolutely amazing. I can talk about it for a long time, but I will not right now and will (fingers crossed) write another post about it with pictures and stuff.

2. Roller Derby. I do roller derby. It rocks. And hurts. And makes me eat like a banshee. I'm sore for days afterwards, I have some permanent bruises on my butt, and I feel quite certain I'm going to die at various times during practice. There are, however, few things I love more. Oh, and I picked a name. Wait for it...

Lil' Dread Riding Hood

A.k.a. Dread and/or Lil' D in the Hood, and looks something like this:

From here: http://www.costumekraken.com/



3. Disco skating. It's a lot like roller derby but with more glitter and Kool and The Gang. What's not to love(well, melted tights and burned skin, but that can be prevented)?

4. BABY ANIMALS! 'nuff said.

5. Costumes. I am currently on my third day in a row of costumes, and it's the third best day of my life. Day 1 was a 1940's swing getup. Day 2 was a mermaid. Day 3 is Ke$ha. Brilliance.

So that's it, kitty cats! Happy Valentine's!

Roll to the ER and a Derby!

I ordered roller skates, I filled out a registration form, I payed my fee...I'm all ready to start roller derby! Except for the part where I can't go to the first practice. But after that! Roller derby, I tell you!

What's the hardest part of roller derby? Is it getting elbowed in the teeth? Is it wearing fishnet tights? Is it roller skating? Is it people asking you if you're doing it because you saw Whip It? No. The hardest part of roller derby is picking a roller derby name. You can't have the same name as anyone else, anywhere. While most of the great names I've come up with were already taken, I've come up with plenty that are fantastic and not in use. The problem now is picking just one. And so I ask for your help. Here are my top contedors. Vote for your favorite!

1. Baroness Hell-ga von Ruffhausin'
2. Crashiopea
3. Elbow Baggins
4. Bellatrix LeStrangle
5. Smackie Kennedy Onasses

Thoughts? Preferences? Votes? Let me know what you think! I may not listen to you, but I still want to know your opinions.

Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Halloween is exactly 68 days until Halloween. 68 is a lot, but it's less than 100, which is less than 300, which is less than 365. Point is, Halloween is close when you look at it the right way. And if the stores can start carrying Halloween decorations, I can start talking about it too.

It doens't look like I'm the only one who'd getting geared up for Halloween either. I saw these little cuties online (and Jessica actually bought me the candy corn one, which I use about, oh, 15 times a day) and went into the store to buy some of each scent.

***

But, oh, they were already sold out! Peeved as I was that I couldn't get my paws on these right at the moment I wanted them, I secretly delighted in the thought that it was the 21st of August, and the Halloween stuffs were already selling out. Lucky for me, they're getting more in stock one day.

***Turns out, they're already even sold out online. I tried going to the website to get a picture of all the flavors, and this is the only one they have even listed on their site anymore:

But there were also, at one point, Candy Corn, Zombie Squad, Vampire Blood, and Bat Bite. I promise, they were there. I promise! I own the Candy Corn one! I can only pray that the other scents will be in stock soon. I pray.

Sigh - moving on, hard as that may be...I officially kicked off the Halloween season last night with The House on Haunted Hill. I always forget how good that movie is. My mind automatically registers it in the "cheesy horror movie," genre, but that is unfair to the awesomeness that is Vincent Price and The House on Haunted Hill. I somehow always forget that the cheesy, grimacing directly at the camera ghost is not, in fact a ghost at all. Also, self-generating blood drips and a giant vat of acid? Awesomeness.

And now, I end with revealing to you (because unlike some people, I cannot keep this a secret) my costume choices for this year:

Costume #1: Buffy the Vampire Slayer circa Season 1 (aka 1997)

Yes, you may have visions of platform flip flops, lined lips and fishing line necklaces, but I'm going with something a little more iconic:

The dress looks rather yellow in this picture, but in real life (being imaginary tv life), it's white. I'm not sure I can get a crossbow into the workplace, but I'll try.

Costume #2: Sexy Freddy Krueger

Yes, I know, there is absolutely nothing sexy about Freddy Krueger. Or so you thought! Behold:

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment #9 - Ping Pong, Popcorn, and Pouting

I know I promised this a long time ago, and I'm sorry it took me so long to actually get around to writing it (or anything on this blog, for that matter), but here it is - the dating story of someone who my previous weekly coordination with should probably remain unnamed (but if you're following along with previous posts, you'll totally know who I'm talking about). So it begins with a Halloween party, where I'm sure I dressed as something either terrifying or skanky, but I was probably a bat. Who knows?  Either way, it was the same Halloween party where a saw a former subject of my dating tales in a purple turban.  I was busy admiring some really spot-on Dancing with the Stars costumes, when in swooped new guy with promises of toilet papering.

Oh, and if only we had gone toilet papering.  Instead, a rush of a dating spree was characterized mostly by watching sports on TV.

But that's not where the good stuff is...here is where the good stuff is:

I slightly hate to bag on this, because hey, saving money, creating less waste...but despite all those reasons, it's still kind of hard for me to swallow the fact that he and his family saved movie theater popcorn buckets and sifted through them to find the right one from each theater before heading to the movie and a "free refill."  And don't worry, there was no shame in doing that on a date, which he did on every single movie date we had.  Had his intentions been to decrease waste, I would likely have applauded him for his efforts. The intentions, however were to get something he could have easily afforded for free.

So to think the popcorn thing is cheap is one thing, but when you set up a double-date for you and your friend, and the guys comprise the entire date of free pizza and $1 icecream cones from Dairy Queen, you know cheap is the brightest crayon in the box. And now, don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with a free date, but when you spare no creativity to come up with something fun and free, cheap takes the cake.

And then the ping pong...oh the ping pong.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at playing ping pong nearly every night after such and such sports game ended.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at being reprimanded for, apparently, being the sole cause of losing a doubles game to his parents, all the while hearing over and over "keep your paddle up!"  I did, however, draw the line at "we'll keep the ball going back and forth for as long as we can, and when you miss, you have to stand against the wall and I get to hit the ball at you as hard as I can."  I later learned that this is called "Sting Pong," and is generally played by shirtless high school boys. It's no surprise that after I said, "no way," and that I got hit really hard in the face by the ping pong ball 10 minutes later anyway.

Skip to like 3 years later - long after I'd give him the heave-ho (though if you ask him, of course it was the other way around, and during the break-up, he said, "don't worry, if people ask me about you, I'll just say 'Andrea's a really nice girl,' and I won't go into any of the other stuff." Uh...) he became my weekly coordinating partner in a Monday night singles' ward organization.

To say things went well would be a folly. His mood swings between charming and insulting were like a pendulum on crack. His insults, that I think were an attempt at being flirtatious (based solely on tone of voice and winking in my direction), consisted of, "hey guys, better get some treats before Andrea eats them all," and "don't get Andrea started, she'll talk your ear off."

This is turning into a long story, but seriously, I'm paraphrasing everything.

A couple months into our weekly coordinating, he broke up with his then (and I think again) girlfriend.  His text conversation with me went something like this:

He: "Hi Andrea, what are you doing?"
I: "Just kickin' it at home. You?"
He: "Just watching some sports game...My life sucks right now."
I: "Uh, why's that?"
He: "I broke up with my girlfriend."
I: "Sorry to hear that. Did she dump you or you her?"
He: "It was mutual...I decided things weren't working, so I told her we needed to break up."
I: "Well if you need anything, I do make good cookies on occassion."
He: "I'm trying to lose weight. But I could use a friend more than anything else."
I: "Okay."
He: "But you have to understand that that's all it's going to be."
I: "Uh..."
He: "I just don't want you to think it's anything else other than friends, no matter what happens."
...
He: "So, do you want to come over?"

Three days later...

He: "Wanna come over tonight?"

Needless to say, my answer was "no," to all of the above questions. I think that was part of the issue, but a couple months later, he threw a temper tantrum when I told him he either needed to do his calling or ask to be released. And then he left the ward.

4th

So, that's what I did for the 4th of July -- ate and ate and ate and ate.  It was all delicious and patriotically festive though.

Also, I helped out with the Granite Community Carnival. Every year, the community throws a breakfast, parade, and carnival, and dudes, it's the best thing ever. EVER (well, after Halloween - but it is the best thing ever for the 4th of July) EVER!!!  Especially the parade. It's all full of kids on bikes, dressed up goats, old cars, old tractors, veterans, chickens, dressed up dogs, scooters, fire engines, DeLoreans, did I mention dressed up goats?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaand I went rock climbing for the first time ever, and really know what it means to be sore for the first time ever.

Also, barbeques, Return of the Jedi, fireworks, sleeping outside, hiking (which also involved me having to carry a plastic bag of dog (or, based on the smell, what I actually suspect was bipedal humanoid) poo all the way home because someone thought the middle of the trail was an adequate depository for their/their dog's excrement.

But it wasn't all crap. Most of it was not, but was, in fact, full of all the patriotic magic that Independence Day can muster.

I certainly didn't have as cool of a 4th of July as Ted though, but I'll settle for my home-grown, all-American goodness that was.