Thursday, February 24, 2011

This One Really is About the Oscars

Since my previous post about America's Next Top Model may have mislead some of you (Jeff), I'm here now to really write about the Oscars.

I'm a total film snob with absolutely no reason to be one. I know next to nothing about cinematography, and I'd be hard-pressed to name more than 5 directors. I do have a decent handle on celebrity gossip, however, and a whole bucket full of strong opinions to help me gauge movies.

I think I'm going to make cupcakes based on the Best Picture nominees for my Oscars party. It will involve some feathers and a lot of blood, but I think I'm up for the challenge.

And so, without further ado, here's my big blob of Oscars blog:

Let's talk about the films nominated for best film (since really, there are only like 3 other categories people tend to care about, and I don't want to talk about any of those):

1. Black Swan

A movie about ballet? A movie about Swan Lake? Obviously this one's going to get my vote. I mean, I would have expected this other ballet gem to win best picture, but alas it wasn't nominated. And Black Swan totally stole the pointe shoe shredding/bending/smacking on the floor/sticking under water scene directly from Center Stage anyway, which was clearly the most crucial scene in each movie. But seriously, my ballet movie devotion aside, I really liked Black Swan. A lot.

2. The Fighter

I didn't see this movie. I'm not sure what it's about either, but the name alone makes me wonder if someone is just feeling reminiscent about whatever year "The Wrestler" was the big thing. These movies may be nothing alike, but someone like me, who has nothing but the title to reference, can wonder if we're favoring a genre. And didn't Christian Bale already do that super-skinny creepo thing once before? Is the shock appeal as effective the second time around?

3. Inception

I saw this movie (because, really, who hasn't) and I have one thing to say: If it wasn't a dream the whole time, I'm going to be very upset; like cry in the grocery store upset. And Ellen Page could not bore/annoy me more. Not necissarliy in this movie; just in general. I feel like if I were to hang out with her, it would be just like hanging out with Juno, or that chick from Whip it, or whatever her name is in this movie. The rest of Inception is delightful, but I'm not sure if it's Best Film delightful.

4. The Kids Are All Right

I haven't seen this one either. I hear it's about lesbians. Meh.

5. The King's Speech

Apparently I'm really bad at seeing Oscar nominees, because I haven't seen this movie either. It looks charming enough, but I have a feeling it would just end up on my shelf next to all the dusty Jane Austen adaptations after a few months. Heaven knows I love Geoffrey Rush though.

6. 127 Hours

Did you know people passed out watching this movie?

7. The Social Network

I watched this one on the airplane, squashed between this movie and this movie. And it was edited. I enjoyed it nonetheless, and went home feeling guilty for using Facebook. I guess that makes it one powerful flick.

8. Toy Story 3

Wait, what? Really? This movie is nominated? It's cute, but not half as good as Toy Story or Toy Story 2. And it's not like the Academy ran out of movies to nominate either. I honestly keep forgetting it was nominated, because who actually cares that much about this movie. It will likely win Best Animanted Whatever, though, which is also unfortunate, because that means my favorite won't win.

9. Winter's Bone

Yeah, I know absolutely nothing about this movie, but somehow I'm getting a very "Lovely Bones" vibe from it. Maybe it's just the word "Bone" in the title and the desaturated picture of a girl on the poster that's doing it.

10. True Grit

I spent the entirety of this movie wishing that dumb girl would rebraid her obviously reinforced hair. Really, those things kept sagging more and more, like a swimming pool diaper. And what's with the PG-13 rating, dudes? These eyes are rated for non-head-and-rock and face-and-bullet scenes only. And can we all admit that Jeff Bridges was pretty much playing that one character from the other Cohen Brothers movie I hate? Matt Damon, however, was pretty awesome, and I always love a former Goonie. That dumb girl was just plain intollerable, and so was her stupid hair.

So there you have it. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of handing out Oscars.

Also, did you see Britney's awesome performance as Ke$ha on what may be the worst Glee episode to date?


--jeff * said...

i was actually suspicious that this one might not be about the oscars, either, but took the chance and clicked on the link anyway.

it's late and i have class early the in the morning, but i can't resist ranting here for a few moments. i think i'll sleep better if i do.

i was explaining to joel just last night that i really don't watch any tv at all. i guess that's my one and only reason why i'm not watching america's next top model. i mean, that's the only reason i can think of as to why i wouldn't be watching it.

as for your movie comments, allow me to retort.

black swan: yeah, not going to be watching this movie for a very long time, even on my joel hilton-endorsed clearplay dvd player. glad you enjoyed it. next!

the fighter: i'm amused that you mentioned "the wrestler" here (a movie i LOVE) mostly because it directed by the same guy who did "black swan", and i'm guessing you didn't know that.

inception is cool. i was thinking how it'd fun if it won, just to catch everybody off guard. and i do like ellen page. she didn't astound me in this movie, but she's ok by me. and you might actually like her in "hard candy." a pretty intense movie from what i saw. i dunno. your call.

the king's speech: everyone says its wonderful. i haven't seen it. i want "the social network" to win.
but we can agree that geoffrey rush is wonderful. agreed.

127 hours: haven't seen it but worked on it. i watched the monitors as james franco cut his prosthetic arm off seven times over two days. the only time i squeemish was when he cut the nerve. dag.

social network: kind of my favorite to win, only because it's quite interesting and well-told and nothing else has blown me away this year. and if the score doesn't win, i'll be mad.

toy story 3: you didn't like this? hmmm. should we ever sit down for a cupcake or a shaved ice again one day, we will discuss this.

true grit: you weren't bothered with "black swan" but with this? i forget that we're different people sometimes. yes, the violence was a little strong for me, but i overall dug the movie.

my thoughts, more or less.

i'm starting to worry that you're becoming one of those "why didn't we do more things when i lived in the same state??" friends.

i guess we did got see "metropolis" together this summer. we both liked that movie. : )

Andrea said...

Well, Jeff, if you're not going to watch Black Swan, at least watch Center Stage. The two movies are pretty much of equal caliber (being not at all).

It's too late. Ellen Page has already be filed away in my mental filing cabinet of bore, right next to Zooey Deschanel.

And I enjoyed Toy Story 3. Does that mean it's a brilliant movie worthy of a Best Picture nomination? Nah.

So here's the deal: Black Swan was appropriately rated, so I knew exactly what I was getting into. I did not expect horrifically tramatic gore from a PG-13 movie, and was therefore taken completely off guard and instantly became very resentful. Also, when talking about things I'd rather not see, tramatic deaths dealing with heads always takes the cake. Always.

Metropolis was brilliant. I also saw The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari for the first time the other day. Awesomeness.

Bone Junior said...

I think that we should combine our Oscar parties next year...I LOVE the cupcake idea! It seems much easier than a standing Oscar cake. So now that's two loves that we have in common - movies and unicorns. If you ever need a movie date, CALL ME!