Roll to the ER and a Derby!

I ordered roller skates, I filled out a registration form, I payed my fee...I'm all ready to start roller derby! Except for the part where I can't go to the first practice. But after that! Roller derby, I tell you!

What's the hardest part of roller derby? Is it getting elbowed in the teeth? Is it wearing fishnet tights? Is it roller skating? Is it people asking you if you're doing it because you saw Whip It? No. The hardest part of roller derby is picking a roller derby name. You can't have the same name as anyone else, anywhere. While most of the great names I've come up with were already taken, I've come up with plenty that are fantastic and not in use. The problem now is picking just one. And so I ask for your help. Here are my top contedors. Vote for your favorite!

1. Baroness Hell-ga von Ruffhausin'
2. Crashiopea
3. Elbow Baggins
4. Bellatrix LeStrangle
5. Smackie Kennedy Onasses

Thoughts? Preferences? Votes? Let me know what you think! I may not listen to you, but I still want to know your opinions.

Halloweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

Halloween is exactly 68 days until Halloween. 68 is a lot, but it's less than 100, which is less than 300, which is less than 365. Point is, Halloween is close when you look at it the right way. And if the stores can start carrying Halloween decorations, I can start talking about it too.

It doens't look like I'm the only one who'd getting geared up for Halloween either. I saw these little cuties online (and Jessica actually bought me the candy corn one, which I use about, oh, 15 times a day) and went into the store to buy some of each scent.

***

But, oh, they were already sold out! Peeved as I was that I couldn't get my paws on these right at the moment I wanted them, I secretly delighted in the thought that it was the 21st of August, and the Halloween stuffs were already selling out. Lucky for me, they're getting more in stock one day.

***Turns out, they're already even sold out online. I tried going to the website to get a picture of all the flavors, and this is the only one they have even listed on their site anymore:

But there were also, at one point, Candy Corn, Zombie Squad, Vampire Blood, and Bat Bite. I promise, they were there. I promise! I own the Candy Corn one! I can only pray that the other scents will be in stock soon. I pray.

Sigh - moving on, hard as that may be...I officially kicked off the Halloween season last night with The House on Haunted Hill. I always forget how good that movie is. My mind automatically registers it in the "cheesy horror movie," genre, but that is unfair to the awesomeness that is Vincent Price and The House on Haunted Hill. I somehow always forget that the cheesy, grimacing directly at the camera ghost is not, in fact a ghost at all. Also, self-generating blood drips and a giant vat of acid? Awesomeness.

And now, I end with revealing to you (because unlike some people, I cannot keep this a secret) my costume choices for this year:

Costume #1: Buffy the Vampire Slayer circa Season 1 (aka 1997)

Yes, you may have visions of platform flip flops, lined lips and fishing line necklaces, but I'm going with something a little more iconic:

The dress looks rather yellow in this picture, but in real life (being imaginary tv life), it's white. I'm not sure I can get a crossbow into the workplace, but I'll try.

Costume #2: Sexy Freddy Krueger

Yes, I know, there is absolutely nothing sexy about Freddy Krueger. Or so you thought! Behold:

The Chronicles of Dating: Installment #9 - Ping Pong, Popcorn, and Pouting

I know I promised this a long time ago, and I'm sorry it took me so long to actually get around to writing it (or anything on this blog, for that matter), but here it is - the dating story of someone who my previous weekly coordination with should probably remain unnamed (but if you're following along with previous posts, you'll totally know who I'm talking about). So it begins with a Halloween party, where I'm sure I dressed as something either terrifying or skanky, but I was probably a bat. Who knows?  Either way, it was the same Halloween party where a saw a former subject of my dating tales in a purple turban.  I was busy admiring some really spot-on Dancing with the Stars costumes, when in swooped new guy with promises of toilet papering.

Oh, and if only we had gone toilet papering.  Instead, a rush of a dating spree was characterized mostly by watching sports on TV.

But that's not where the good stuff is...here is where the good stuff is:

I slightly hate to bag on this, because hey, saving money, creating less waste...but despite all those reasons, it's still kind of hard for me to swallow the fact that he and his family saved movie theater popcorn buckets and sifted through them to find the right one from each theater before heading to the movie and a "free refill."  And don't worry, there was no shame in doing that on a date, which he did on every single movie date we had.  Had his intentions been to decrease waste, I would likely have applauded him for his efforts. The intentions, however were to get something he could have easily afforded for free.

So to think the popcorn thing is cheap is one thing, but when you set up a double-date for you and your friend, and the guys comprise the entire date of free pizza and $1 icecream cones from Dairy Queen, you know cheap is the brightest crayon in the box. And now, don't get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with a free date, but when you spare no creativity to come up with something fun and free, cheap takes the cake.

And then the ping pong...oh the ping pong.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at playing ping pong nearly every night after such and such sports game ended.  I should have, but didn't, draw the line at being reprimanded for, apparently, being the sole cause of losing a doubles game to his parents, all the while hearing over and over "keep your paddle up!"  I did, however, draw the line at "we'll keep the ball going back and forth for as long as we can, and when you miss, you have to stand against the wall and I get to hit the ball at you as hard as I can."  I later learned that this is called "Sting Pong," and is generally played by shirtless high school boys. It's no surprise that after I said, "no way," and that I got hit really hard in the face by the ping pong ball 10 minutes later anyway.

Skip to like 3 years later - long after I'd give him the heave-ho (though if you ask him, of course it was the other way around, and during the break-up, he said, "don't worry, if people ask me about you, I'll just say 'Andrea's a really nice girl,' and I won't go into any of the other stuff." Uh...) he became my weekly coordinating partner in a Monday night singles' ward organization.

To say things went well would be a folly. His mood swings between charming and insulting were like a pendulum on crack. His insults, that I think were an attempt at being flirtatious (based solely on tone of voice and winking in my direction), consisted of, "hey guys, better get some treats before Andrea eats them all," and "don't get Andrea started, she'll talk your ear off."

This is turning into a long story, but seriously, I'm paraphrasing everything.

A couple months into our weekly coordinating, he broke up with his then (and I think again) girlfriend.  His text conversation with me went something like this:

He: "Hi Andrea, what are you doing?"
I: "Just kickin' it at home. You?"
He: "Just watching some sports game...My life sucks right now."
I: "Uh, why's that?"
He: "I broke up with my girlfriend."
I: "Sorry to hear that. Did she dump you or you her?"
He: "It was mutual...I decided things weren't working, so I told her we needed to break up."
I: "Well if you need anything, I do make good cookies on occassion."
He: "I'm trying to lose weight. But I could use a friend more than anything else."
I: "Okay."
He: "But you have to understand that that's all it's going to be."
I: "Uh..."
He: "I just don't want you to think it's anything else other than friends, no matter what happens."
...
He: "So, do you want to come over?"

Three days later...

He: "Wanna come over tonight?"

Needless to say, my answer was "no," to all of the above questions. I think that was part of the issue, but a couple months later, he threw a temper tantrum when I told him he either needed to do his calling or ask to be released. And then he left the ward.

4th

So, that's what I did for the 4th of July -- ate and ate and ate and ate.  It was all delicious and patriotically festive though.

Also, I helped out with the Granite Community Carnival. Every year, the community throws a breakfast, parade, and carnival, and dudes, it's the best thing ever. EVER (well, after Halloween - but it is the best thing ever for the 4th of July) EVER!!!  Especially the parade. It's all full of kids on bikes, dressed up goats, old cars, old tractors, veterans, chickens, dressed up dogs, scooters, fire engines, DeLoreans, did I mention dressed up goats?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaand I went rock climbing for the first time ever, and really know what it means to be sore for the first time ever.

Also, barbeques, Return of the Jedi, fireworks, sleeping outside, hiking (which also involved me having to carry a plastic bag of dog (or, based on the smell, what I actually suspect was bipedal humanoid) poo all the way home because someone thought the middle of the trail was an adequate depository for their/their dog's excrement.

But it wasn't all crap. Most of it was not, but was, in fact, full of all the patriotic magic that Independence Day can muster.

I certainly didn't have as cool of a 4th of July as Ted though, but I'll settle for my home-grown, all-American goodness that was.

You See These Gloves?

You can have them if you want. 

Really.

You can have them.

How? 

Click here.

That's how.

Do it.

You know you want to.

Think how bright and yummy they'll look on a summer camping trip - keeping your hands toasty as marshmallows, and your fingers as free as the wild eagle...

And how easily they'll transition into your fall wardrobe with all that pretty goldeness.

And how you'll still be wearing them everywhere you go once winter rolls around - you could even layer other gloves underneath to keep you warm and oh-so-dilectibly-deliciously-chic they may as well just book you for a Vogue cover shoot right now.

So go ahead. Go get yourself a pair of sexy, free gloves!

Unicorns are Back, Baby!

And they are back full-force! 

First mention goes to my dear friends, Brian and Becca, who found this little beaut for me:

Need to see it in action?  Here it is taking out a mime (those pesky, pesky mimes):

And on to the next victim:

And for those of you that need more violent unicorn action in your life, I suggest following this link to the most amazing online game you will ever experience (many thanks to Joel and Adam for individually showing this to me)!  Of special note (other than the robot unicorn, of course) are the dolphins and the brilliant music.  Wanna just listen to it (like I have been over and over for the last hour)?  Here you go:

Here it is!

Like two weeks after I finished making it, I am finally posting pictures of my very own book page wreath, and I must say that it turned out pretty awesome.

I bought a basic floral wreath for from Michael's, a book from the DI, and used a staple gun and hot glue to stack and stick the rolls all together.  All-in-all, it only took me about 3 hours, which was way less than I expected.  Pretty sweet, eh?

I think now I'm going to make a smaller version for myself with magazine pages for a bit of crazy color.  Let's hope that one turns out as great as this one!