Thursday, February 24, 2011

This One Really is About the Oscars

Since my previous post about America's Next Top Model may have mislead some of you (Jeff), I'm here now to really write about the Oscars.

I'm a total film snob with absolutely no reason to be one. I know next to nothing about cinematography, and I'd be hard-pressed to name more than 5 directors. I do have a decent handle on celebrity gossip, however, and a whole bucket full of strong opinions to help me gauge movies.

I think I'm going to make cupcakes based on the Best Picture nominees for my Oscars party. It will involve some feathers and a lot of blood, but I think I'm up for the challenge.

And so, without further ado, here's my big blob of Oscars blog:

Let's talk about the films nominated for best film (since really, there are only like 3 other categories people tend to care about, and I don't want to talk about any of those):

1. Black Swan

A movie about ballet? A movie about Swan Lake? Obviously this one's going to get my vote. I mean, I would have expected this other ballet gem to win best picture, but alas it wasn't nominated. And Black Swan totally stole the pointe shoe shredding/bending/smacking on the floor/sticking under water scene directly from Center Stage anyway, which was clearly the most crucial scene in each movie. But seriously, my ballet movie devotion aside, I really liked Black Swan. A lot.

2. The Fighter

I didn't see this movie. I'm not sure what it's about either, but the name alone makes me wonder if someone is just feeling reminiscent about whatever year "The Wrestler" was the big thing. These movies may be nothing alike, but someone like me, who has nothing but the title to reference, can wonder if we're favoring a genre. And didn't Christian Bale already do that super-skinny creepo thing once before? Is the shock appeal as effective the second time around?

3. Inception

I saw this movie (because, really, who hasn't) and I have one thing to say: If it wasn't a dream the whole time, I'm going to be very upset; like cry in the grocery store upset. And Ellen Page could not bore/annoy me more. Not necissarliy in this movie; just in general. I feel like if I were to hang out with her, it would be just like hanging out with Juno, or that chick from Whip it, or whatever her name is in this movie. The rest of Inception is delightful, but I'm not sure if it's Best Film delightful.

4. The Kids Are All Right

I haven't seen this one either. I hear it's about lesbians. Meh.

5. The King's Speech

Apparently I'm really bad at seeing Oscar nominees, because I haven't seen this movie either. It looks charming enough, but I have a feeling it would just end up on my shelf next to all the dusty Jane Austen adaptations after a few months. Heaven knows I love Geoffrey Rush though.

6. 127 Hours

Did you know people passed out watching this movie?

7. The Social Network

I watched this one on the airplane, squashed between this movie and this movie. And it was edited. I enjoyed it nonetheless, and went home feeling guilty for using Facebook. I guess that makes it one powerful flick.

8. Toy Story 3

Wait, what? Really? This movie is nominated? It's cute, but not half as good as Toy Story or Toy Story 2. And it's not like the Academy ran out of movies to nominate either. I honestly keep forgetting it was nominated, because who actually cares that much about this movie. It will likely win Best Animanted Whatever, though, which is also unfortunate, because that means my favorite won't win.

9. Winter's Bone

Yeah, I know absolutely nothing about this movie, but somehow I'm getting a very "Lovely Bones" vibe from it. Maybe it's just the word "Bone" in the title and the desaturated picture of a girl on the poster that's doing it.

10. True Grit

I spent the entirety of this movie wishing that dumb girl would rebraid her obviously reinforced hair. Really, those things kept sagging more and more, like a swimming pool diaper. And what's with the PG-13 rating, dudes? These eyes are rated for non-head-and-rock and face-and-bullet scenes only. And can we all admit that Jeff Bridges was pretty much playing that one character from the other Cohen Brothers movie I hate? Matt Damon, however, was pretty awesome, and I always love a former Goonie. That dumb girl was just plain intollerable, and so was her stupid hair.

So there you have it. It's a good thing I'm not in charge of handing out Oscars.

Also, did you see Britney's awesome performance as Ke$ha on what may be the worst Glee episode to date?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Just in Time for the Oscars

Tyra is really trying to play up the "cycles" metaphor, because *SWOOP* a new cycle of America's Next Top Model is starting today. SURPRISE CYCLE! Did you know it was coming today? Because I sure did not.

Luckily, there's still time to prepare yourself. Just take a look at the contestants here.

Tyra once again proves that she is in touch with the non-supermodel woman by saying of Ann (last cycle's winner):

Watching Ann realize that she is uniquely beautiful standing tall at 6'2 is one of the reasons I make it a point to choose contestants that the audience can relate to.

Because if there is one thing all us average women can relate to, it's this:

Many thanks to Jessica for finding my new favorite Tyra quote!

But let's get back to this cycle. I'm not going to say who will win, or even who will do well, since we all know Tyra will just choose whomever I like least, but based on preliminary pictures, Molly, Hannah, Jaclyn, Ondrei, and Mikaela are getting my votes. We'll see how I feel after tonight.

In simular, terrible TV-related news, Glee is slowly and tentatively winning me back, especially with this.

Monday, February 14, 2011


Wow, I sure suck at blogging, don't I? The fact that my blog background is still Halloween-themed (which it probably would be anyway) is just a testimony of how little I have blogged lately. So sorries!

And today is Valentine's. Great day to decide to start blogging again, right? But as we all know, Valentimes is serious times.

But seriously, it's tines. And I'm blogging. Since I have no lover (I was going to link to an SNL skit here, but I can't find the link, so you'll just have to deal with that word all on it's own), I shall talk about other things I love. Like baby animals and licorice. And this list of stuff:

1. Germany. I just went to Germany. It was awesome. I went for 10 days with my brother, Brian, and we stayed with my uncle and his family, which included, among spouses and children, a python, a bearded dragon, and some rabbits that hang out in the backyard.

Germany is beautiful. Between about 5,000 castles, the Alps, the Cyclocross World Champinoships, and Spezzi, it is absolutely amazing. I can talk about it for a long time, but I will not right now and will (fingers crossed) write another post about it with pictures and stuff.

2. Roller Derby. I do roller derby. It rocks. And hurts. And makes me eat like a banshee. I'm sore for days afterwards, I have some permanent bruises on my butt, and I feel quite certain I'm going to die at various times during practice. There are, however, few things I love more. Oh, and I picked a name. Wait for it...

Lil' Dread Riding Hood

A.k.a. Dread and/or Lil' D in the Hood, and looks something like this:

From here:

3. Disco skating. It's a lot like roller derby but with more glitter and Kool and The Gang. What's not to love(well, melted tights and burned skin, but that can be prevented)?

4. BABY ANIMALS! 'nuff said.

5. Costumes. I am currently on my third day in a row of costumes, and it's the third best day of my life. Day 1 was a 1940's swing getup. Day 2 was a mermaid. Day 3 is Ke$ha. Brilliance.

So that's it, kitty cats! Happy Valentine's!